Must learn...

Open mouth more when singing. I don't seem to like dropping my jaw much and my mouth doesn't really seem to move. It's annoying for me when my body doesn't comply with what it's supposed to be doing. It's frustrating because this could hold me back in terms of learning. Probably more frustrating though. I wish that I could just magically do what I'm supposed to do, but in my experience that never works. Which is probably why I give up doing these things. I don't know I'm not in the greatest of places right now. My head hurts, hate office work, I kind of wish I was back to my insane theatre schedule. I'm just really down in the dumps right now and it's affecting everything in my life. It's dumb and all that stuff.

Updating...I suppose

I'm terrible when it comes down to getting to the nitty gritty stuff. I should practice more, I should keep this update more. I should, should, should. It's sad that I don't want to do this more, but I'm so tired most nights now. Right now they have me working out of an office 5 days a week and I'm missing the hustle and bustle of theatre life. But this is a place for my musical ambitions to be tracked so let's get down to it.

My songs are getting there, again my body is finding it easier to find its placement, it's settling, but it's lazy and wants to go right back to what it was doing. Must fight the bad evil habits! I shall succeed.

My teacher put a neat idea before me which I hope comes through. There is a group piano class and that teacher is looking for someone who can sing Arias, Opera, and Musical Theatre, go me!! It'd be a great opportunity for me because I don't have access to a piano, and it'll get me used to singing with a piano, it's a win-win situation, at least I hope it is.

Other than that my week is pretty same old same old, looking towards February with mild anticipation, but we shall take it as it comes.

Wednesday = Lesson day

So if you haven't gleaned from my mostly weekly posts. I usually update this after I've had a lesson. Or at lease try to. If I remember then GO ME! but I do have a child's view of getting things done - it shall do itself. Riiight.

So today's lesson going over more of the songs that I am going to sing at the Kiwanis Music Festival in February. I am getting more and more comfortable about singing them per se. Now I shall say things that may subconsciously psych me out, but here goes. I'm fine practicing, learning and all that, but as soon as I step on the stage I tend to clam up. I know I'm hard on myself and I try to talk myself down from the ledge, but that's the thing, my brain is louder than anything. It doesn't go anywhere either. It's the monkey on my back so to speak.

In other news, my teacher is starting to feel that my voice is getting to big for my Opera piece. Which is exciting and disturbing. I mean I want to do well, but I guess if they mention it (they being the adjudicators) then it's not completely a bad thing, just means I can do more than it was thought at the time of registration. Right??

Well I suppose that all I can think of writing. Ciao Belli

Dreams

How do we put into words what we truly desire. That we wish to reach out beyond the heavens and pluck the sparkling stars and hold them close to our hearts. Never let them go and dream of a place higher and greater than where we are now.

I keep telling myself or better yet asking myself why do the things I do? What is the point of it all? Sometimes we have a tendency of seeing something we want and just striving for it, forgetting the joy that it brings us, the joy that it brings others. We forget how it makes us feel to be in the moment. That one shining moment where everything just melts away, the outside world, the cares and troubles of the universe cannot touch you because you are experiencing something far greater than them.

I want to capture that moment and bottle it up, so that when I forget about it then it's there to remind me that it does exist. But alas I cannot. Those moments come far and few between. They come when I am holding my boyfriend, when we're just cuddling, every time I just get to do that the world is just good, that I'm where I'm supposed to be. It also happens when I just get lost in the song. I can be playing or listening or singing, if I just let go and lose myself in the music then I am in that moment.

This the ultimate lesson that I feel I need to learn, to let go of everything and just get lost in the moment because life's too short to worry about the whole world.

Happy New Year!

Thus is the attitude that I am undertaking in order to move on. This year promises to be great. More performances, more support from the ones that I love. What more can a person ask for? New beginnings are in the making as I am starting at a new location job-wise, I have a great many things to look forward to.

At my lesson yesterday I had a discussion with my teacher about what happened during my performance the month before, my insecurities as a performer, what things are coming on the horizon.

Yes I am looking forward to this new year.