I finally got my mark back from my exam, and I got 60 (bare minimum to pass) - AGAIN! Last year I understood. This year I don't get it.
I worked so hard, yes, I didn't practice vocally every day but everything went on in my head when I couldn't. I would go around singing the songs in my head. Yes, my ear training requirement went kaput but my Vocalises were not that bad, not failing bad.
I want to scream at them, what do you want from me? I'm giving you all I have and you're saying it's not good enough.
I'm upset with this, part of me thinks it's not fair. I see people get built up that don't need it, they seem to have it all. They talk about how hard it was to get there, I want to shout me too, but I'll never be there.
Every time I feel like I move forward it's like I get tugged right back down. It's as if I don't deserve this, and it hurts. I hate the hurt, I want to run away from it. Unfortunately, running hurts more.
So for now I will dwell, and cry, and be angry, and then tomorrow I will come home from my half day of work and just go right back to my keyboard plunking out notes and trying to sing. Because that's all I can ever do I suppose.
No comments:
Post a Comment